Nothing prevents most people from achieving their goals more than the fear of failure. It’s one of those things we all have to face. And, in most situations, it’s healthy. After all, fear is what keeps us from touching a hot stove or crossing a busy street. Definitely advantageous to each of us.
Unfortunately, fear also holds us back from a lot of potential. Without fear, I might ask my boss for a raise or confront my friend about a misunderstanding. Maybe I wouldn’t spend more time worrying about failing at my goals than working toward achieving them.
While I’m no expert on overcoming fear (I’ve got my own healthy dose of the stuff), I have found a few ways to overcome that pesky emotion that holds me back.
I should clarify, there is no way to get rid of fear completely (and even if we could, that would be a very bad thing). These are ways to move forward despite the fear.
1. Dare to suck
Recently, I saw an ad on YouTube for a Masterclass by Dan Brown. In this ad, he told of a time he talked with Steven Tyler, the lead singer of Aerosmith, who said his band had an odd meeting each week. They called it, “Dare to Suck.” Quoting Steven Tyler, Dan Brown said “Each one of us brings an idea that we think is probably terrible, and we are embarrassed that we even have the idea. But we present it. And nine times out of ten, the idea is actually terrible. But one time out of ten you get Dude Looks like a Lady and Love in an Elevator.”
That’s fearless.
How many potentially great ideas do we pass over in our judgment? If you never allow yourself to have bad ideas, you’ll never have any. So, dare to be terrible. Dare to suck at something. Because with every consequence, you’ll learn something new.
2. Fast from social media for a week
Okay, yes, I say this all the time. Every other post on here mentions getting off social media. But, you’ll hear that over and over again because it’s important.
Social media is subtle in creating comparisons. Over time, our thoughts turn from “I’m so happy for Susie getting a new house” to “Susie’s house looks so much bigger and up-to-date than mine.” Most of the time, you won’t even notice these comparing thoughts. But the subconscious picks up on a lot more than you think.
Getting off social media won’t get rid of comparisons completely, but you’ll find that without the constant drizzle of negative thoughts, you won’t care so much what people think. It will be easier to take more risks. You’ll change your focus from outward to inward. (And, you’ll have a lot more time on your hands).
3. Rewire your brain
When we’re scared of failure, it’s easy to get stuck in that fear. In a Ted Talk at UC Davis, Alison Ledgerwood, a social psychologist, talked about how we get stuck in the negatives.
When we think negative thoughts, it’s really hard to get out of that negative mindset. On the other hand, it’s really easy to switch from positive thoughts to negative in a flash.
To rewire our brains, we can consciously look for the positives. When it’s easy to vent about our horrible days, we can consciously choose to talk about something good that happened.
When you are overwhelmed by a fear of failure, refocus on wins. The act of refocusing on even the smallest wins can shift our thoughts to the positive.
Other ways to rewire your brain to the positive: write what you are grateful for each day, record what you succeed at each day, rehearse good news, and vent less.
4. Make a list of your fears (and solutions)
Another excellent way to overcome fear of failure is to look at the root of the problem. Determine what you are afraid of.
Are you afraid of what others will think of you? Are you afraid things will turn out worse for your effort?
Take 5 minutes to journal your response to these three questions.
- Determining what the worst-case scenario would be if you failed
- Determining what you could do to avoid it
- Brainstorming how you could repair it
If you only list your fears without brainstorming how to overcome them, you’ll just put yourself in a negative-thoughts spiral. Be sure to answer all three of these questions if you take this suggestion.
5. Focus on learning
Think of a time you failed. Yes, it probably sucked. But probably not as bad as you had anticipated. Rack your brain now, and think of what this failure taught you.
Last year, I wrote a book and tried to fund it on Kickstarter.
I failed.
To be honest, after that failure, I thought, “If that’s what blogging has in store for me, I don’t want to even try anymore.” I stopped blogging completely.
That failure SUCKED! It hurt my confidence. I had put so many hours into writing that book, and it had flopped. As I look back, though, I realize I learned a ton.
First, I learned that I can do hard things. It had always been a goal of mine to write a book, and I finally did! But, the failure overshadowed that success. Writing that book was a huge milestone for me. Even when I wanted to give up many times throughout the process, I pushed through because I can do hard things.
Second, I learned how to be a finisher. Yes, I taught that in the book, but actually compiling all my thoughts into coherent sentences and chapters taught me more than I already knew.
Third, I learned how to work with businesses to print my book. I learned a ton more about the administrative side of things.
Fourth, I learned how to create a Kickstarter.
I could go on and on.
The point is, when I was in the depths of it, all I could focus on was my failure. However, there is always a lesson to learn from every failure.
What is something you are holding back from because of fear? How will you work to overcome that fear today? Comment below!
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