There are a lot of things we do that we think will make us happy when in reality, they don’t. Surprisingly, while we think good grades, a nice car, and material needs will make us happy, over time the novelty of these things disappears, and we are left at the same level of happiness (or sadness) as before.

If we can’t trust our own ideas of what happiness entails, how do we even start our search for happiness?

Fortunately for us, Laurie Santos has got it figured out. Laurie is a psychology professor at Yale University, and I recently took her class on Coursera called The Science of Well-being. I highly recommend taking this course (and right now, it’s free!). 

In her course, Laurie takes us through what we think makes us happy (and doesn’t) to what really makes us happy. 

Here are six things I learned from her course and from my own life experience that happy people do.

1. Focus on gratitude and savoring

Remember how I said about that nice car, cool stuff, and good grades? After we have it, the happiness boost it gives us immediately begins to wear off. We become used to having it, and we forget how awesome it is to have it.

This is something called hedonic adaptation, the idea that after a positive or negative effect, we return to our baseline level of happiness.

One way to circumnavigate this adaptation is with gratitude and savoring. There’s a reason you see gratitude journals and YouTubers swearing by daily gratitude everywhere. When we think back on what we are grateful for, we can feel that same level of happiness as when we first got that thing.

Savoring is a similar principle, except that instead of simply listing what you are grateful for, you take time to savor the present moment and all it entails. For example, pausing to feel the sun on your skin while on a walk or savoring the taste of that chocolate ice cream. Doing this has the same effect as listing things you are grateful for.

Do it now: Pull out your phone or a piece of paper and spend five minutes listing things you are grateful for. Try to list as many things as possible. Then pause and savor the present moment. Think about that list you made and savor the beauty of being alive.

2. Make social connections

I firmly believe that our purposes here on earth almost always revolve around other people. We are social creatures. 

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, everyone needs social connection. Have you ever had the experience where you felt down but after a chat with a friend you felt lifted for the rest of the day? Happy people connect with other people. 

Social connection doesn’t have to entail only talking with your friends (but it includes that too). Social connection is any time you reach out to strangers, form acquaintances, reconnect with an old friend, or chat with your best friend. 

Do it now: Reach out to another human being today. This could be with friendly small talk with a cashier or sending a text to a friend letting them know you are thinking about them.

3. Improve your time affluence

We all have the same 168 hours in a week. Happy people value their time more than money. That doesn’t mean they don’t work much. It just means they spend a lot of their time doing things they love. I’ll say, this is a lot easier if you love your job because that takes a huge chunk of your week.

This is a trait I find I’ve always had because I value my time so much. I would rather have more time to write, be with friends, and relax than have lots of money and the nicest house. Obviously, if I didn’t have my basic needs met, that would be another story. But, studies have shown that once your basic needs are met, having more money doesn’t make much difference on your level of happiness.

Do it now: Take stock of where your time goes. Out of 168 hours in a week, how does that break down? Common categories for this would be sleep, work, hobbies, time sucks (like excessive social media), commutes, exercise, and eating. Are you happy with how your time breaks down? What changes can you make to improve your time affluence?

4. Adopt healthy practices

If you’re like most people, sleep, exercise, and eating right take the backburner on your list of priorities. But, happy people make time for sleep, exercise, and eating right. Let me tell you from experience, I’m much happier when I’ve got enough sleep and some good food in me. I’ll be honest, I’m still working on getting consistent exercise.

For the average adult, seven hours of sleep at night is considered good sleep. If you have fewer than five hours a night, that is considered sleep-deprived. 

For exercise, it is recommended to get 30 minutes of exercise several times a week. And, while you don’t have to eat perfectly every day, the more greens and whole foods you can get into your diet, the better.

Having healthy practices like these does a whole lot of good for balancing the chemicals in your brain that make you happy.

Do it now: Before you lie down at night, place your phone across the room so you can’t roll over and stare at it for hours without actually sleeping. Find some exercise videos on YouTube (and if you can’t do 30 minutes of exercise, doing anything is better than nothing). And finally, choose healthier foods. Find a healthy recipe you’re excited to try out or limit your eating out.

5. Show kindness

In the world today, there’s a huge “Me” culture. Everything is about me. How can I be happier, make more money, get more fame? The focus is inward. 

Now, don’t feel bad about that. Remember the concept of a plane stewardess telling you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others? We have to focus on getting ourselves in a good position. 

But, once we’ve done that, we can look outward. 

When you focus outward on serving others, an amazing thing happens — you stop being so self-critical and comparing yourself to others. And, when we stop those comparisons, we get a lot happier.

Do it now: Commit to do one kind thing today. Look for opportunities throughout the day to reach out with a helping hand. Pay the bill for the person behind you in the drive through. Give sincere compliments to everyone you see. Smile more readily. Focus on kindness and you’ll be repaid with happiness.

6. Have a growth mindset

This is less of a habit and more of a change in lifestyle, but I have to mention it because having a growth mindset has brought me so much happiness. 

Having a growth mindset means believing you can build abilities through hard work and dedication. This means realizing where the power is. We are not as powerless as we think. We have the power to change our lives as much as we are willing to work at it.

In college, I took a visual design class. I found a split down the class of those who could take critique and those who couldn’t. 

Those who struggled with critique took every critique as an insult. They didn’t improve much in the course because they couldn’t accept the responsibility for change. 

Those who could take critique well ended up improving dramatically despite their varying starting talent. They didn’t take offence to critique because they knew they have the power to make the changes necessary to improve. 

Happy people think about growth rather than failure. They remember that everything must be learned, and they don’t tie their self-worth to the quality of their work.

“In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort. In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.” –Carol Dweck

Do it now: Replace the word “failure” with the word “learning.” Add the word “yet” when you find things you are still learning about. For example, instead of saying “I can’t cook well,” say “I can’t cook well yet.” You might even add, “But, I can put consistent effort toward improving.”

An invitation to act

This week, choose one habit to try out. Make it a priority to do this habit every day. Before and after the week, record how you feel. 

Share in the comments below how you’ve changed from one of these habits.

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